Just when we thought I'd got it licked..

I've developed a mouth ulcer at the base of my tongue. A miniscule thing but it's wreaking havoc. Everything I swallow has to pass near there so eating is an effort. Food must be soft or preferably liquidised.

It's the chemo's final assault before retreating from my system for ever.

I am hoping it will get better of its own accord, but I've had it three days now and the pain has started to spread up my ear canal so I may have to get it checked out. I guess you need white cells even to fight a mouth ulcer.

Red cells, white cells, platelets; chemo attacks so many of the body's natural defences. I hope it has been as ruthless with any lingering cancer traces. It is only when the system's out of sync that you realise what an amazing triumph of design and engineering the human body is.

Dream sequence

"Trying to get to Heaven before they close the doors"..Dylan

I am in a spacious, white-walled room. The only thing is this room is a giant canvas on the far wall depicting the Last Supper. It's not the one by Leonardo. It's more like El Greco's painting as seen here.

As I move towards the canvas the room I am in melts away and I am walking into the picture. The disciples are getting up from the table and exiting through some doors at the far end. Last one out is Peter - the only one to look round. I instinctively know this is Peter. Noticing me, he holds his arm outstretched, 'talk to the hand' style, as though pushing me away. He then turns his back and makes towards the doors.

I run after him yelling: "Let me in, let me in, don't leave me here," but he is gone.

Seconds later her reappears, and beckons me through.

At this point I am woken by JP because I'm shouting in my sleep.

What's THAT about?

I don't normally remember dreams but this one remains vivid. And I'm not even on steroids any more.

Treats in store

These are things I'm looking forward to when treatment is finished.....

• Return of the taste-buds - mulled wine and mince pies tasting as they should (Christmas is coming).
• Hair growing back - thicker and even curly!
• Holidays in the sun - or at least further than a couple of hours drive from Nottingham City Hospital
• Running, swimming and going to the gym; I actually miss these things. (The gym has promised me a personal trainer when I return.)
• Fingernails growing back. Yes they're knackered too!
• Going to gatherings - Christmas is coming.
• Cinema trips - only been once while on chemo and had to go early afternoon when the place was empty.
• Skin rejuvenating - chemotherapy dries it out and bits are peeling off.
• Ditching the thermometer, and with it the paranoia
• Having a massage -  banned during treatment because it stimulates lymph glands.

Well Halloween weekend is nearly over and not one trick-or-treat-er. What are we going to do with all those Quality Streets?

Crazy dog dash

Just been for a walk with a kamikaze canine. She's small but fearless, with an irrational dislike of certain groups of people - like joggers and cyclists. She chases anything that growls, including motorbikes and large agricultural vehicles.

Usually we pre-empt these encounters by getting her on the lead, but today she spotted some sort of harvester roaring down the lane, and legged it out of the field straight into the path of four massive wheels.

I feared we could be scraping dead dog up off the road. But she survived, having seen the monster off good and proper.

Managed quite a few miles. Not bad considering I'm nearing the nadir

Tattooed lady

Today I go for radiotherapy planning. They will put me in a 'big doughnut' (CT scanner) to map out where everything is.

They will also give me tattoos to show them where to point the beams.

Question is, what designs to go for? A tasteful flower, discrete butterfly, or an anchor, perhaps? I'm rather taken with the Japanese bird motif below.
Yesterday I popped into town to visit a former colleague who is retiring. During her career she has been down a mine with Princess Anne, gone shoe shopping with Raisa Gorbachev, and met Nelson Mandela. She had thank you letters from three former Prime Ministers.

It was good to see her and others I used to work with. Now that chemo is over I have a sense of re-emerging into the world. Lots to look forward to, not least being able to go to 'gatherings'. Christmas is coming -  perhaps I should go for a festive tat...

Smart streets

Just to prove you can fit three of these in the space it takes to park one large gas-guzzler.

Here is Squirty - our yellow smart, gone to join two friends one fine day.

And below is an example of some smart Parisian parking! Taken on a trip to Montmartre a couple of years ago.

Sleepless on steroids again - for the last time! And this week have to inject myself daily with a potion to boost immunity, in the hope of keeping out of hospital this time round.

Never had to plunge a needle into myself before. Better not make a habit of it...

First in last out



Last chemo!! No more gory pictures after this one - promise!

Booked a nine am appointment for my fnal chemo in the hope  I'd be out quickly. Finally emerged after treatment at nearly NINE PM!

NHS time excelled itself today:
9am: Arrived. Advised to wait for doc to approve bloods.
12 pm: Wednesday's bloods not up to scratch. Had another blood test.
12:15pm Went home to wait for results.
3pm: Phoned - bloods now ok. Advised to come back in an hour.
4pm: Returned to chemo clinic
7pm: Called in for treatment.

I was the last one out - at ten to nine in the evening - nearly 12 hours from the original appointment time.  Despite being allowed home for a few hours in the afternoon, still spent SIX HOURS in the clinic waiting room. Long enough to read the whole of Salmon Fishing in the Yemen.

Nobody's fault, really. Just one of those days of big delays. The nurses were run ragged. Never mind. None of this matters because after today there'll be no more chemo!! Yay!

Just three weeks recovery time then I will be able to discard the thermometer, get fit again and lose the paranoia about germs. This time round I hope to avoid being admitted to hospital.